I have to say these past few days have been so hard on me. I had to deal with the disappointment of someone that I love with all heart. It’s not the first time I’ve had to deal with it, I was just hoping it didn’t happen again.
Alcoholism is such a devastating sickness and like all addictions, they take priority over the person’s life. I have been a daddy’s girl since I was born, I even have a tattoo that says it. I love my father so much. Me and him are a lot alike. We are loving individuals and are very protective with our family and those we love. I wanted to be a mechanic by the time I turned 12. I was the one who would fix the car with my dad and I would eat everything he liked.
It sucks to think that you’re not enough of a reason for your dad not to drink anymore. Well at least that was my mentality when I was younger. I learned through the years how horrible this sickness is and how hard it is for my father to stay away from it. I’ve learned, as well, how to detach myself from my dad when he would start drinking again. For some reason I thought this time it would be different. I don’t know, maybe, ’cause he is 60 and only has so much time left to live a good life. Unfortunately, that is not the case. My father has once again started drinking and I, once again have to detach myself from him.
I love my father with all my heart, like I’ve said before. All I wanted was to enjoy these years he has left to live by his side. All I wanted was to have endearing memories by his side, since the majority of the memories I do have are so chaotic. I can’t see myself returning to him if he recovers from his episode. It hurts to much having him and loosing him. I love him now and always will, all I can do is wish him the best.