abuse

All posts tagged abuse

Something Beautiful is on The Horizon

Published August 14, 2015 by Freedom Literature

Sometimes there are secrets that can’t be told or feelings that can’t be felt. The intensity of the emotions are too hurtful to face. Unable to confront your past it’s hard to deal with your present and intolerable to imagine the future.

How did you get here or how did everything get out of hand? How is it that you can’t express your emotions? Because they are entangled in your heart along with the memories that hurt you and won’t let you have peace. Unable to function with what life has given you and only able to think about how bad it all is. It seems impossible the thought of you being able to get out of this state of mind. It seems as though no matter what you do, life hands you another pack of issues to deal with. How do you withstand the changes and how life fluctuates right before your eyes without a warning? All you have to go by is faith, faith in what? The missing factor in your life. You always have had faith but you continue to deal with all this hurt and mistrust everyday of your life. Why you? How come you are not normal, able to feel normal? How is it that despite all your good deeds, all your efforts to help others it’s still not enough to get you by with a little bit of slack, a little bit of peace? You try to sleep and the pain awakens you, the loneliness haunts you and you’re unable to get rid of it. Your eyes weep from fear and the tears just don’t stop. No matter what you do they just won’t stop.

You cover your eyes, shut them closed in hopes of opening them and realizing that it’s going to be okay. That you will be okay, that all of your fears will go away and you will be able to breathe. As if you were being relieved of all the pain, heaviness in your heart and all the memories which cause you harm. The world turns into a better place and you smile. Your smile is the start of a fresh day with hope of all beautiful things about to happen for you. And it’s at that moment when you realized that you can do this thing called life, that you will be okay, that there is no doubt you will be able to make it no matter how hard life becomes. Your dreams are obtainable, they are realistic. All your pain subsides and you no longer feel that heaviness which haunted you every day. Your life changes for the better and your faith returns, your faith in God your faith in YOU!

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The Rape Joke

Published June 25, 2014 by Freedom Literature

I was molested when I was little and its something you never forget no matter how hard you try. One thing that has helped me when I am having a low moment, is writing. Which is one of the reasons I titled my blog Freedom Literature because I feel like you are able to leave all those emotions, that are hard to say, on paper. Below is a poem I found on the rape joke, take a moment to read it.

The rape joke is that you were eight.
The rape joke is that at the time,
you didn’t know people had sex to express love.
The rape joke is that the only other person
who’d seen you naked was your mom.
The rape joke is that he called you ‘beautiful’ first.
The rape joke is that he held your hands together
and told you to ‘try harder’ when you struggled.
The rape joke is that you believed him
when he told you were overreacting.
The rape joke is that your grandma
called him a nice boy and asked him to stay for dinner.
The rape joke is that he winked at you
when you apologized to your parents for not coming
downstairs the first time you were called.
The rape joke is that his friends
high-fived him for “getting some.”
The rape joke is that you still don’t feel like
you’ve regrown the pieces he stole.
The rape joke is that he was conceived when his
dad slapped himself into his snoring mother.
The rape joke is that her friends told her
she was lucky someone wanted her.
The rape joke is that each year in the United States,
32,000 other women’s bellies
ripen with life against their will.
The rape joke is that he never learned
to touch without scarring.
The rape joke is that your classmate thinks
‘have you seen what asses look like in yoga pants?’
is an argument.
The rape joke is your new boyfriend kissing
you and telling you he ‘raped’ his math test.
The rape joke is that ‘Why are girls so scared of rape? Y’all should feel pride that a guy risked his life in jail just to fuck you’
is a popular Tweet right now.
The rape joke is that you wake up to
the memory of him laughing,
“now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
The rape joke is that it’s been twelve years and
you still quiver when someone touches you.
The rape joke is that he hasn’t stopped laughing.
The rape joke is that you forgot how to.”

The Rape Joke by Lora Mathis (via zubat)

 

Motivational Monday #MM

Published March 3, 2014 by Freedom Literature

What an awesome way to begin the week. I just found out I got an A on my second essay, it was a Process Essay. I did my essay on Conquering Physical Abuse or Emotional Abuse.

When I showed my instructor my rough draft, he said he was going to show the essay to other instructors and use it as an example for other students. I wonder if he is still planning on doing that.

I am very thankful for my English instructor. He has been very helpful. He also teaches at Shaw University. My class with him is a night class, from 6:30 – 9:00 pm, and I do not mind taking his class at all.

A good instructor makes a world of a difference and Dr. Paul Jones is one of those instructors.

College Life

Published February 28, 2014 by Freedom Literature

Yet another entry on college life, but what else can I blog about, this is my life right now 😉

Today a student brought up a valid point from his perspective. He is majoring in Substance Abuse Counseling, but has been working as a counselor for 10 years now. The state now requires for you to obtain a degree and be certified before you can become a substance abuse counselor.

In his experience, he feels as though the education is not really valid compared to his personal experience. Coming from being an addict, being a veteran with PTSD, he feels as though being able to relate to someone is more prominent than having to be educated to become efficient in the field. He went on to express how when he goes to the veteran’s hospital to see his therapist and they change the person for some reason, he will ask if the counselor is a veteran before he would start speaking to the counselor.

For him first-hand experience is more valid than being educated to become a counselor. Although I do understand where he is coming from, I believe education enhances all the first-hand experience you have to offer for your client.

What does everyone else think?

College Life

Published February 24, 2014 by Freedom Literature

I think I’ve mentioned it before that I wasn’t able to go to college straight out of high school and now I’m in college after 14 years of graduating. I will say I am very proud of myself. It is a lot to deal with all at once. I am currently attending in Wake Technical Community College in a 2 year program; my majors are Human Services Technology and Substance Abuse. My goal is to be able to mentor young teens at high schools and do group therapy.

I am very excited about my classes as of right now. I am currently taking five classes and this is my first semester. I have been able to manage it pretty well up to date. I miss the fact I have not been able to attend church as regularly as I use to. I have also been training to be  a Guardian ad Litem for abused children. This has been taking a lot of time as well.

I do know for a fact that hard work does pay off, so I am looking forward to my prize at the end of my journey.

I apologize to all of my followers I have not had time to be here and inspire you to keep moving forward no matter the obstacles but here I am giving you an example of how to keep pressing towards the mark.

Motivational Monday #MM

Published January 27, 2014 by Freedom Literature
Someone Once Asked Me

Someone Once Asked Me

I have been through many struggles. Including but not limited to: physical abuse, emotional abuse, kidney cancer, anemia, 6 – 7 surgeries in the past two years. You may wonder how is it that I continue to keep my head up and smiling everyday. I smile and never give up because my God hasn’t taught me how. I keep moving forward because I am constantly encouraged by God and all the wonderful people God has allowed to come into my life. I thank God because he taught me that without Him, I cannot do anything. Alone I will fail, but with Him I will make it through.

Even though, I have endured incredible obstacles, I can say I have never been alone. God has always been by my side, He has taught me that I am not a victim, but that I am a survivor. With much pride I say and reiterate:

I AM NOT A VICTIM; I AM A SURVIVOR

Learn from the Past and Live for the Future

Published August 12, 2013 by Freedom Literature

Hello to All:

Glad to be back. I’ve been doing a lot of reading, kinda determined to finish the book I’m reading.

I have to say I’m feeling a sense of peace in my heart and I thank God for that. He continues to bless me and never leaves my side.

One topic came to my mind as I was catching up with my fellow bloggers. Realizing where I was and where I stand today. I once was in a very unhealthy relationship where everything that could go bad in a relationship, happened in that relationship. From physical to mental abuse, cheating, we broke up every summer, it was absolutely chaotic. I was in a place in my life where I really did not value myself or what I had to offer as a woman, as a friend or as a human being. It was a perfect example why you should completely heal from one heart break before you proceed to let someone else in your heart. Before the 4 year relationship I was in bad relationship as well, I didn’t take my time to heal from that one. The consequences of not taking the time to heal is that your scars are still fresh, and when you add someone else to the picture it makes it worse, because your scars open wider and are more painful.

When I was in the 4 year relationship and everything was going wrong, I thought I deserved it. I thought that I wasn’t good enough to be treated like a queen and have men hold doors for me and treat me with respect. But I learned that the way you treat yourself is how others are gonna treat you. You set the stage for people when you first meet them, you create the standards they have to get to if they want to be a part of your life. I would say that a lot of my troubles in life came due to immaturity but most of it came from being so hard headed and stubborn. When I found myself one day crying in a corner, because a man put his hands on me again, I knew something had to give and it was up to me whatever outcome I wanted out of my life.

At that point I looked up to the heavens and said “God I’m tired of trying this thing called life on my own, I obviously don’t know what I’m doing please help me”.  When God put it in my heart to change my ways, my manners, my routines, including my friends, my life changed for the better. I don’t regret anything I’ve been through in this life because its made me who I am, but I thank God he heard my cry when He did. Now I’m not bad mouthing the two men I was in bad relationships with. At the end of the day, I was the stupid one for staying and giving them the message that what they were doing was okay, I wasn’t perfect in the relationship either, I am a true puertorican at heart and I had a short fuse (with God that all has changed, praise the Lord). They are good men and nowadays doing fine. I don’t hold grudges, I don’t believe in that. Holding grudges make you ugly and I don’t have time for that.

Once I got in line and changed my ways, God allowed my husband to come into my life. He is a wonderful husband and I thank God for him everyday. Nobody is perfect but we talk and get through things, communication is key in a marriage and this is my last time getting married. 😉

I just thank God for the life I have now and all the blessings that come with it. I can breath in peace because God has control of everything.

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