Sometimes there are secrets that can’t be told or feelings that can’t be felt. The intensity of the emotions are too hurtful to face. Unable to confront your past it’s hard to deal with your present and intolerable to imagine the future.
How did you get here or how did everything get out of hand? How is it that you can’t express your emotions? Because they are entangled in your heart along with the memories that hurt you and won’t let you have peace. Unable to function with what life has given you and only able to think about how bad it all is. It seems impossible the thought of you being able to get out of this state of mind. It seems as though no matter what you do, life hands you another pack of issues to deal with. How do you withstand the changes and how life fluctuates right before your eyes without a warning? All you have to go by is faith, faith in what? The missing factor in your life. You always have had faith but you continue to deal with all this hurt and mistrust everyday of your life. Why you? How come you are not normal, able to feel normal? How is it that despite all your good deeds, all your efforts to help others it’s still not enough to get you by with a little bit of slack, a little bit of peace? You try to sleep and the pain awakens you, the loneliness haunts you and you’re unable to get rid of it. Your eyes weep from fear and the tears just don’t stop. No matter what you do they just won’t stop.
You cover your eyes, shut them closed in hopes of opening them and realizing that it’s going to be okay. That you will be okay, that all of your fears will go away and you will be able to breathe. As if you were being relieved of all the pain, heaviness in your heart and all the memories which cause you harm. The world turns into a better place and you smile. Your smile is the start of a fresh day with hope of all beautiful things about to happen for you. And it’s at that moment when you realized that you can do this thing called life, that you will be okay, that there is no doubt you will be able to make it no matter how hard life becomes. Your dreams are obtainable, they are realistic. All your pain subsides and you no longer feel that heaviness which haunted you every day. Your life changes for the better and your faith returns, your faith in God your faith in YOU!
I know the title can throw anybody off. But I like to catch your attention.
Today is a very special day for me, because on this day my God saved me. He gave me another chance at life by allowing my Kidney Cancer to be detected on time. Two years ago today, I had a left kidney nephrectomy done at Rex Hospital by two amazing doctors. I will never forget them and I will be eternally grateful to them for being so wonderful to my family and I in such a critical time as this. Mark W. McClure, MD, FACS & Daniel Khera-McRackan, MDare the doctors God provided for my care and continue to care for me.
When I was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer it was the last thing I was expecting. I had been married for only 5 months when I was diagnosed and I have to say God gave me the right man to marry, because he stood by my side all the way. This experience God allowed me to go through was amazing, yes amazing, because it turned my world around. It made me realize what was really important in my life and how I was wasting my time being angry & rebellious. God allowed this experience to happen so my eyes would be open to my reality, to the true reality of the way I was living.
This experience did not only give me a new perspective on life but also to those around me. God’s purpose was so powerful it caused an effect in my atmosphere. I praise God so much because after the surgery was completed and the Cancer was removed from my body, the doctors were really able to see how serious the situation was. Dr. McRackan called my parents to the side, while I was in the recovery area, explained to them that I only had one more year to live if the Cancer wouldn’t have been detected. As I write this, my tears are running down my cheeks, because I think about how me not being here would’ve affected my kids, my husband, my family and my friends. But I praise Him because He decided it wasn’t time for me to come home yet, He has other plans in store for me. God created me for a purpose and I’m walking into my purpose everyday with His help.
It doesn’t matter how dark your days may become, close your eyes, God will light the way.
Father, help me to develop the talents You have given me. Show me how to continue growing, stretching and increasing. Help me to maximize what You’ve placed in my hand as I daily give You glory for Your faithfulness in my life in Jesus’ name. Amen
Prayer by Joel Olsteen
Remember God will ask you what you did with the talents he gave you. Did you multiply them & bless others with your talents? Or were you scared and buried them so nobody would know you had them?
The talents The Lord gives us are an investment that He has made in us. He is wanting you to make your talents to be fruitful & rewarding to others. He wants you to indulge in your talents and multiply them. Don’t be scared & don’t be shy, for the ones worthy of Him have the spirit of valor and courage to conquer all He has for them.
You guys might wonder why I have named my website Freedom Literature. After so many trials and tribulation I have learned that writing is the way I kept my sanity. When I right down how I feel, especially when all seems gray in my life, writing helps me get some clarity on my thoughts. To some this might seem crazy or non-sense but for me it has been a way of life. The majority of all my writing is directed to God, He is the only friend that will never leave my side and who knows me better than anyone else.
I saw a movie called “Freedom Writers” and this movie is based on a true story about troubled teens caught in an undeclared war in their own backyards. This story takes place in the middle of the Rodney King riots, when gangs were taking over the streets. Some of these teens were homeless, being molested by family members, watched their mother getting beat by their father, were put out in the street to beg for money and forced into gangs because of their families. These teens saw a light at the end of the tunnel when they met a teacher who actually cared about them as human beings. It wasn’t easy for her but she never gave up and got through to them and became their best friend. One thing she did was introduce them to writing and how it can help you deal with your problems. This movies was my inspiration to start this blog. I already knew how important it was for me to write about things I went through and I felt as though I should share my writing with the world. I always said I never wanted my pain, suffering and tears to be in vain. This blog is my way of reaching out to the public.
I have met people through this blog, but there is this one person named Michael, he asked if I take prayer requests, I said I didn’t but that I would start because I felt a conviction in my spirit that its a wonderful idea. So apart from sharing my writing with you through short stories, poems, Spanish literature, I am now taking prayer requests. To me, making this addition, is a very serious matter and I will pray for whatsoever you need me to pray for. If you wish to keep your prayer requests confidential, I will do so, just email me at email@example.com.
I thank you for your continuing support and welcome you to browse through the blog!!
I have to say these past few days have been so hard on me. I had to deal with the disappointment of someone that I love with all heart. It’s not the first time I’ve had to deal with it, I was just hoping it didn’t happen again.
Alcoholism is such a devastating sickness and like all addictions, they take priority over the person’s life. I have been a daddy’s girl since I was born, I even have a tattoo that says it. I love my father so much. Me and him are a lot alike. We are loving individuals and are very protective with our family and those we love. I wanted to be a mechanic by the time I turned 12. I was the one who would fix the car with my dad and I would eat everything he liked.
It sucks to think that you’re not enough of a reason for your dad not to drink anymore. Well at least that was my mentality when I was younger. I learned through the years how horrible this sickness is and how hard it is for my father to stay away from it. I’ve learned, as well, how to detach myself from my dad when he would start drinking again. For some reason I thought this time it would be different. I don’t know, maybe, ’cause he is 60 and only has so much time left to live a good life. Unfortunately, that is not the case. My father has once again started drinking and I, once again have to detach myself from him.
I love my father with all my heart, like I’ve said before. All I wanted was to enjoy these years he has left to live by his side. All I wanted was to have endearing memories by his side, since the majority of the memories I do have are so chaotic. I can’t see myself returning to him if he recovers from his episode. It hurts to much having him and loosing him. I love him now and always will, all I can do is wish him the best.