Sometimes there are secrets that can’t be told or feelings that can’t be felt. The intensity of the emotions are too hurtful to face. Unable to confront your past it’s hard to deal with your present and intolerable to imagine the future.
How did you get here or how did everything get out of hand? How is it that you can’t express your emotions? Because they are entangled in your heart along with the memories that hurt you and won’t let you have peace. Unable to function with what life has given you and only able to think about how bad it all is. It seems impossible the thought of you being able to get out of this state of mind. It seems as though no matter what you do, life hands you another pack of issues to deal with. How do you withstand the changes and how life fluctuates right before your eyes without a warning? All you have to go by is faith, faith in what? The missing factor in your life. You always have had faith but you continue to deal with all this hurt and mistrust everyday of your life. Why you? How come you are not normal, able to feel normal? How is it that despite all your good deeds, all your efforts to help others it’s still not enough to get you by with a little bit of slack, a little bit of peace? You try to sleep and the pain awakens you, the loneliness haunts you and you’re unable to get rid of it. Your eyes weep from fear and the tears just don’t stop. No matter what you do they just won’t stop.
You cover your eyes, shut them closed in hopes of opening them and realizing that it’s going to be okay. That you will be okay, that all of your fears will go away and you will be able to breathe. As if you were being relieved of all the pain, heaviness in your heart and all the memories which cause you harm. The world turns into a better place and you smile. Your smile is the start of a fresh day with hope of all beautiful things about to happen for you. And it’s at that moment when you realized that you can do this thing called life, that you will be okay, that there is no doubt you will be able to make it no matter how hard life becomes. Your dreams are obtainable, they are realistic. All your pain subsides and you no longer feel that heaviness which haunted you every day. Your life changes for the better and your faith returns, your faith in God your faith in YOU!
How I truly feel tonight?
That’s the question of the night. How do I put all of my feelings of anxiety and peace all in one page. I can’t help the way that I am, neither can I help the way I feel. Can I help how I act out my feelings? Yes, I will, and so I do. I continuously revise and review my situations, so I act out the way I’m meant to act out or not act out at all.
On another note, I am being impulsive and changing my mind about different situations all of a sudden because I rather concentrate on other issues rather than what I am really going to be facing, and that is a rotator cuff repair.
How do I ease myself and emotions into my life? And something my son just said made so much sense, it was completely out of context, but he said “you gotta flirt”. Honestly you have to just love life and everything that comes with it. We can’t continuously fight against the truth that lies before us, sometimes we have to learn to accept and say it will be okay. Not everything that will come towards us will be things we like, but its okay because it will pass, and it will get better. Now lets not ignore our feelings for the things we are facing, its okay to be scared, and its okay to cry because of it. But you have to be able to flirt with life and make it your “bitch” (which is the first word that comes to mind). But you get what I mean, make it your friend, not your enemy. Love it instead of hating it and romantically make it what you want for you. No struggles needed just challenges looking for you to become better at this thing called life.
Here are a few words from Brother Joel Olsteen. These words encouraged me and I hope they do the same for you on this Friday and everyday ahead.
Life may not have turned out the way you planned, but you still have the power to be happy right where you are. God is the source of all joy, and when God gives you something, nothing in the world can take it away. That means other people cannot make you unhappy, no circumstance can force you to get upset. Nothing can take your joy; you have to give it away. You’re in complete control of your happiness.
Think of it this way: If somebody is rude to you, what they’re really saying is, “Give me your joy.” Somebody cuts you off in traffic, “Let me have your joy.” Somebody ignores you or leaves you out of a meeting; they’re just asking for your joy. You have a choice. You can give it to them by going around upset, frustrated and offended. Or, you can make a much better decision and say, “No thanks, I need my joy. I’m not going to get upset because you were rude and didn’t speak to me. I’m not going to be frustrated because you cut me off in traffic. I’ve already made up my mind that I’m going to live this day happy!” Instead of giving them your joy, give them mercy, grace and understanding. Give them the benefit of the doubt and keep your joy because only you are in control of your happiness!