Emotions About Life

How I truly feel tonight?
That’s the question of the night. How do I put all of my feelings of anxiety and peace all in one page. I can’t help the way that I am, neither can I help the way I feel. Can I help how I act out my feelings? Yes, I will, and so I do. I continuously revise and review my situations, so I act out the way I’m meant to act out or not act out at all.

On another note, I am being impulsive and changing my mind about different situations all of a sudden because I rather concentrate on other issues rather than what I am really going to be facing, and that is a rotator cuff repair.
How do I ease myself and emotions into my life? And something my son just said made so much sense, it was completely out of context, but he said “you gotta flirt”. Honestly you have to just love life and everything that comes with it. We can’t continuously fight against the truth that lies before us, sometimes we have to learn to accept and say it will be okay. Not everything that will come towards us will be things we like, but its okay because it will pass, and it will get better. Now lets not ignore our feelings for the things we are facing, its okay to be scared, and its okay to cry because of it. But you have to be able to flirt with life and make it your “bitch” (which is the first word that comes to mind). But you get what I mean, make it your friend, not your enemy. Love it instead of hating it and romantically make it what you want for you. No struggles needed just challenges looking for you to become better at this thing called life.

***A Secret Revealed***

So much have been going on in my life, but I know that through it all God has been standing right by my side. I have been once again physically ill and emotionally distraught for many different reasons.

Physically, I have been suffering from tremors, anxiety attacks, migraines, undergoing exams for possible colon cancer. I know my God is a healer and there is nothing impossible for Him.

Emotionally, I have been dealing with the acceptance of no longer having my earthly father, but its a blessing to know I will never be without my spiritual father. My God will never abandon me.

I was a daddy’s girl, and we did everything together. One night, about three months ago, I began having nightmares of violent behaviors towards my father, which boggled my mind. How could I want to kill my dad? How could I stab my father and get mad when he did not die?

I was referred to a hypnotherapist, so I could address these issues. The first session was to find out if hypnosis would work on me, and it did. The second session was to deal with my emotion of hurt. During that session, I saw a little girl sitting at the edge of her bed. A man was standing in the doorway. The man proceeded to come in the room, the little girl was not scared at all. She was actually happy, but that quickly changed when the man began to touch her inappropriately. The little girl did not budge, she did not run, he told her it was okay and that he would never harm her.

This little girl was me, and the man was my father.

This is what I have been dealing with these past couple of months. My God has covered me with His Holy protection, and He has kept me!!!

Motivational Monday #MM

Someone Once Asked Me

I have been through many struggles. Including but not limited to: physical abuse, emotional abuse, kidney cancer, anemia, 6 – 7 surgeries in the past two years. You may wonder how is it that I continue to keep my head up and smiling everyday. I smile and never give up because my God hasn’t taught me how. I keep moving forward because I am constantly encouraged by God and all the wonderful people God has allowed to come into my life. I thank God because he taught me that without Him, I cannot do anything. Alone I will fail, but with Him I will make it through.

Even though, I have endured incredible obstacles, I can say I have never been alone. God has always been by my side, He has taught me that I am not a victim, but that I am a survivor. With much pride I say and reiterate:

I AM NOT A VICTIM; I AM A SURVIVOR

Forgiving Friday #FF

I found this short essay about forgiveness and I will like to share a portion of it with you.

Forgiveness is not an event. It’s a process, a continuum, a destination. Forgiveness does not happen all at once. The resentment and anger may come seeping back into your soul. But don’t give up. Keep asking God to help you. Keep confessing your own sins, and in the knowledge that God forgives you, you will increasingly find the strength to forgive others. Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. But if does happen.

-Lou Holtz-

Forgiving is not an easy task, but its not an impossible one either. Continue to seek God’s strength to overcome whatever hurt someone may have caused you, and you will see you will start forgiving without realizing its happening.