past

All posts tagged past

Throw Back Thursday #TBT

Published December 5, 2013 by Freedom Literature

If there is one thing that can hold us back is our past. As much as we strive to become better human beings, we are constantly reminded of what we use to be. We feel as though we are never given enough credit for what we have overcome and have become today.

We have to know this starts by us. We have to accept who we once were and know, “I can never go back and change what I’ve done but what I’m going to do, is change what is in my control NOW.” 

Even when someone comes to remind you of who you once use to be – you make it a point to tell them “That’s how awesome God is because look at where I am today. I’m a walking testimony of God’s power, grace and mercy, and since you seem to be stuck in the same place where I was at one point in my life, I suggest you try God one of these days.” 

God has come to renew and restore all things, the devil on the other hand, would love to see you defeated and hopeless. Try now God in this – He will not let you down.

Cancer Journey

Published October 18, 2013 by Freedom Literature

I decided to end the week with a strong finish. Although this story is fast forwarding a lot from the previous stories, it is one of my favorites.

When I was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer I had no symptoms. All my urine cultures were clear, no back pain at all, no symptoms at all indicating something was wrong with my left kidney.

About mid September 2011 I started having shortness of breath and fatigue. I visited my primary care physician, which at that time was Dr. Konduru, to address theses symptoms. I have a history of chronic iron deficiency anemia. The doctor proceeded to get some blood work done to check my iron level. When the results were ready I was told to come in the office to discuss them with the doctor. The doctor stated my hemoglobin was at an 8, the normal is anywhere between 12-16. He asked if I was still having the same symptoms, I told him I was. Dr. Konduru recommended I go to the emergency room if my symptoms persist or worsen so I could have a blood transfusion done.

On September 26, 2011, I decided to go to Rex Hospital and have the blood transfusion since my symptoms were not getting any better. My shortness of breath was becoming worse, to the extent of not being able to carry on a conversation without having to gasp for air. The doctor on call at the emergency room ordered blood work to check if my levels where increasing. Fortunately, my levels had gone up from 8 to 8,6. The doctor came in the room, where my father, brother-in-law and close friend were with me, and stated since my levels were increasing, he wouldn’t recommend a blood transfusion. I asked the doctor, “how about the shortness of breath, its not getting  any better?” He stated, “we are going to have you walk up and down the hallway to check your oxygen level”. And so they did. I walked up and down the hallway with a nurse and became extremely fatigued causing my oxygen level to drop to 87.

At this point the doctor was concerned I had a PE (pulmonary embolism). They send me for x-rays and CT-scan of my lungs, luckily a PE was not detected, but in the CT-scan they went low enough to find a mass or something that looked like a mass in my kidney. The doctor said, “its an incidental finding and its probably nothing, just follow up with your primary care physician for further evaluation”. The doctor decided to have me stay at the hospital that night so I could have the blood transfusion.

A couple of weeks after that, I followed up with my primary care physician for further evaluation of my left kidney. He ordered I have a Urogram done, which is an in depth study of the kidneys. I had the procedure done that week and returned to Dr. Konduru the following day. The night before the follow up, I received a call from Landmark Urology, stating I had an appointment scheduled the following day after I see Dr. Konduru. After I received that message I knew something serious was happening. I went to see Dr. Konduru, I could tell by the expression on his face the results were not good ones. Dr. Konduru proceeded to tell me I had a tumor in my left kidney and it was pretty big. I asked if it was benign and he stated “make sure you do not miss the appointment with the urologist because they will be able to do a biopsy and proceed from there depending on the results”. 

I knew Dr. Konduru did not want to be the bearer of bad news, and I didn’t blame him. The following day I attended my appointment with the urologist, Dr. Daniel McCrakan. My father accompanied me because I needed the support just in case things went bad. Once Dr. McCrackan pulled up my imaging on the computer, he explained to us what everything was and showed us where the tumor was. The tumor was located inside my left kidney, the cancer had not spread, it was contained within the kidney. Than he turned in his chair and looked at my father and I, he said, “We need to start talking about surgery”. I was a little shocked at the rush on the topic, and I said “I thought I was going to have a biopsy first to indicate if its even cancer” I responded. The following words he spoke changed my life forever. He said “I’m 85% sure the tumor you have in your left kidney is cancer and we need to act fast to remove it because luckily it hasn’t spread as of yet.

I remember my dad crying trying to ask the doctor if I was going to be okay, but he couldn’t get the words out. I turned to Dr. McCrackan and he teary eyed as well. When you get news like this, its like having a bucket of iced water spilled over you. You don’t know how to react and it feels as though your mind, body & all of your senses are in slow motion trying to process all that’s been said. I’m thankful to God and everyday I give Him all the Glory & Honor for allowing the doctors to have found the cancer on time. This experience made me reflect on life and how I was living it. It made me realize what is really important in life and what I should be doing. Although this experience took a toll on my family, my friends and I, I’m thankful God allowed me to go through this wonderful experience because it opened my eyes to how much He loves me, has mercy over me, and how He has kept me through it all. For this and so much more I have to be thankful to God.

On November 18, 2011, I had my left kidney removed by Dr. McClure & Dr. McCrackan, who prayed with me before we entered the operating room. After the surgery the doctors spoke to my parents, who were in the waiting area with all my friends & the rest of my family, and told them I was blessed because the cancer was caught right on time. The tumor was almost as big as my kidney. The doctors informed my parents I had one more year to live before it would’ve killed me. But praise God for His mercy & grace, He allowed me to survive and here I am 2 years later Cancer Free!!!!

God is Faithful

Published October 14, 2013 by Freedom Literature

Good Morning My Friends:

Yesterday as I was trying to figure out what I should write on my blog, and one question came to mind, “How many times has God saved me?”. I don’t know about you but I lost count. Being able to wake up every morning is a blessing all on its own, imagine all of the many things which allow us to go about our day. The fact that are brains function, we can breathe, speak, move, walk and so on that’s more than enough all alone. So many of these things are the norm for us and as a result we don’t think they really count as a blessing, but try for one whole day to close your eyes and get around that way than we can talk.

We have to realize that day by day we are continually blessed even though we might not be doing right before God. We have to learn to thank Him for every little tiny detail that make our days possible. Realizing such wonderful things and the love and faithfulness He has for you will make you do an about face and return the faithfulness and love to Him. We are nothing without Him, we must come to that conclusion and give thanks and Glory to the one who deserves it all.

With this being said, in the next few weeks I will be sharing stories of my life where God has saved me. The goal of me sharing these stories are not because I want attention, I do this so you can reflect on the times when God saved you and thank Him for it. We tend to forget He has been there for us and He will continue to be.

I look forward to hearing your feedback and follow my blog so you don’t miss a post. 😉

Learn from the Past and Live for the Future

Published August 12, 2013 by Freedom Literature

Hello to All:

Glad to be back. I’ve been doing a lot of reading, kinda determined to finish the book I’m reading.

I have to say I’m feeling a sense of peace in my heart and I thank God for that. He continues to bless me and never leaves my side.

One topic came to my mind as I was catching up with my fellow bloggers. Realizing where I was and where I stand today. I once was in a very unhealthy relationship where everything that could go bad in a relationship, happened in that relationship. From physical to mental abuse, cheating, we broke up every summer, it was absolutely chaotic. I was in a place in my life where I really did not value myself or what I had to offer as a woman, as a friend or as a human being. It was a perfect example why you should completely heal from one heart break before you proceed to let someone else in your heart. Before the 4 year relationship I was in bad relationship as well, I didn’t take my time to heal from that one. The consequences of not taking the time to heal is that your scars are still fresh, and when you add someone else to the picture it makes it worse, because your scars open wider and are more painful.

When I was in the 4 year relationship and everything was going wrong, I thought I deserved it. I thought that I wasn’t good enough to be treated like a queen and have men hold doors for me and treat me with respect. But I learned that the way you treat yourself is how others are gonna treat you. You set the stage for people when you first meet them, you create the standards they have to get to if they want to be a part of your life. I would say that a lot of my troubles in life came due to immaturity but most of it came from being so hard headed and stubborn. When I found myself one day crying in a corner, because a man put his hands on me again, I knew something had to give and it was up to me whatever outcome I wanted out of my life.

At that point I looked up to the heavens and said “God I’m tired of trying this thing called life on my own, I obviously don’t know what I’m doing please help me”.  When God put it in my heart to change my ways, my manners, my routines, including my friends, my life changed for the better. I don’t regret anything I’ve been through in this life because its made me who I am, but I thank God he heard my cry when He did. Now I’m not bad mouthing the two men I was in bad relationships with. At the end of the day, I was the stupid one for staying and giving them the message that what they were doing was okay, I wasn’t perfect in the relationship either, I am a true puertorican at heart and I had a short fuse (with God that all has changed, praise the Lord). They are good men and nowadays doing fine. I don’t hold grudges, I don’t believe in that. Holding grudges make you ugly and I don’t have time for that.

Once I got in line and changed my ways, God allowed my husband to come into my life. He is a wonderful husband and I thank God for him everyday. Nobody is perfect but we talk and get through things, communication is key in a marriage and this is my last time getting married. 😉

I just thank God for the life I have now and all the blessings that come with it. I can breath in peace because God has control of everything.